Greetings and salutations!
Seeing as it's a brand new year,
I felt it important to, as with last year, totally copy all the other reviewers
out there and make a best/worst list.
Yes, I know, I'm a hack. Moving
on, this list will consist of three categories of games that I played in
2013. Some of these came out in 2013,
some just need mentioning...just because.
Also, this list is purely subjective, so if you disagree with me, fine,
disagree. Better yet, comment and
explain to me your perspective. I'm
genuinely curious. Anyway, let's take a
look at the best, worst, and most WTF?! games for me of 2013.
Worst
Which games
made me sad, angry, or just plain frustrated?
This list is all about games I wish I hadn't bought, wish I hadn't
played, wish...hadn't been, really.
Worst Identity Crisis: Bioshock Infinite(PS3/Xbox360/PC)
Starting
off controversial, huh? Don't I
always? Let's get this out of the
way. Bioshock Infinite is a critical
darling. And I can't stand it. Most of this stems from my distaste for the
plot, which focuses on the concept of hyper time. Hyper time basically posits that all
decisions made by anyone creates a split parallel universe where the opposite
decision was made. I think this is
handled very poorly, especially through the ending, and just frustrated
me. However, even without that thorn in
my side, this game still would have made my worst list. Why?
Because it doesn't know what kind of game it wants to be, really.
 |
| Be Halo or be Biocshock...at least commit to SOMETHING. |
There are a
lot of elements of the first two Bioshocks in this game, like scavenging in
trash for food and coin, comboing plasmids and weapons for greater effects,
moral ambiguity, audio logs, etc. However,
the game plays very much like a Halo clone.
You have a regenerating shield, you have a stock array of military
weapons, from pistol, to shot gun, to RPG, to machine gun, and you are only
allowed a two gun load out. Putting
aside personal preference, whether you like the two gun load out of Infinite or
the carry as many guns as you want of the previous two, the fact that they
couldn't decide on how it plays...whether the pace should be interrupted to
scavenge or whether you were pressed for time...whether you should become
skilled with one weapon or, in case the enemies don't drop ammo for it, just be
an all rounder...it says to me the developers didn't want to commit for fear of
alienating...well...ANY potential buyer.
And the game is weaker for it.
The tone of the story clashes with the actions taken by the player. The style of play in down situations clashes
with the style of play in fire fights.
Even the gameplay seems torn, as the improvements made to Bioshock's
plasmid/weapon system in Bioshock 2 were either forgotten or excised for
Infinite.
 |
| This was what we were promised...what we got was a game that didn't know what it wanted. |
I just wish
Infinite was more consistent...if it were more consistently Bioshock, I'd have
liked it more. If it were more
consistently Halo or some other modern military shooter, I'd have stayed away and
been happier for it.
Most Boring/Pointless Grind: Skyrim Legendary Edition(PS3/Xbox360)
I started
playing Skyrim wanting to love it...and ended up feeling kinda empty and bored
by the end. I played Elder Scrolls 4:
Oblivion to death. 5 full playthroughs. It was a colorful game that made me feel like
I was on a grand adventure, that each item I got was unique and that some
should be kept or stored rather than sold, that each situation was different,
special, and fun. And Skyrim felt like a
grind to me. First, yes, Skyrim is an
amazing game. It greatly improves the
combat of Oblivion, adds in some more options, improves graphics with a new
engine, and gives the players more freedom and choice. However, in doing some of this, other changes
were made that kind of turned the game into a slow, boring grind.
 |
| We're all just slaves to the grind |
The
inclusion of a skill points system, with perks, was a positive change from
Oblivion, but because armor, potions, and enchanting were tied to it, often
times players had to grind out skill points to get the best stuff, unless they
wanted to face vastly over powered enemies...and this was boring.
"Okay, I bought a thousand iron ingots and leather
strips and made a few hundred swords!"
"Congratulations!
You gained 10 skill points. Do
another thousand and you can make NEW armor.
Now, let me take those swords and give you money."
"What should I do with the money?"
"Why, buy more materials...to make more SWORDS!"
"What should I do with the money?"
"Why, buy more materials...to make more SWORDS!"
Yeah, to me it just felt kinda like a pointless slog. Added onto that, the game has serious loading
issues on a console, is very glitchy, and...really, there was no great reward
at the end. At the end of Oblivion, the
gates to Oblivion were sealed...you could tell a tangible difference in the
game, because you no longer got ganged up on by otherworldly beasts and there
were no more red skies. In this
game...you kill a dragon, other dragons still exist for you to grind out
materials on...nothing has changed. The
game is also very modern...by that I mean, washed out colors, lots of grey,
white, brown, black...Oblivion was colorful and vibrant, a place I wanted to
explore and enjoy. Every mine and every
dungeon of Skyrim just made me more and more bored and question why I put so
much time into it. This even extends to
the maps and menus. Oblivion had an old
world, parchment like menu theme, for maps, skills, etc. Skyrim goes for a semi-clear, bland, boring
look to the map and menu screens.
 |
| This would have made the grind all worth while...cept this was just an awesome mod for PC versions. Console gamers got left out. |
Let me just
say, this ONLY applies to console versions of Skyrim. PC versions are much better. The inclusion of mods allows players to
experience a fuller, more enjoyable game, such as with the High King of Skyrim
mod, which feels like what I should have gotten for beating the game regularly. You would still have quests to do, but you
have the authority of a king to fall back on, to belittle, build up, or just
mess with your subjects to your own enjoyment.
For me, it
was a grind...and grinds can be fun, but Skyrim was not. It gave me no real feeling of changing the
world or its people...everything was pretty much the same at the end of the
game as the start. A dragon and a few
extra people were dead, but...no real change to the world at large.
Game That Loves to Give Players the Middle Finger: FTL(PC)
I hate FTL. Some friends of mine encouraged me to try
this starship simulator and, to their credit, it was pretty fun for a
while. However, FTL is a roguelike game
done poorly. Roguelikes frequently have
you die and have to start over from scratch, however one of the cornerstones,
in my opinion, of a good roguelike game is incremental progress. You get better as a player, you get small
rewards to make your next playthrough different or more enjoyable, etc. Spelunky does this with unlockable shortcuts,
players, and by slowly teaching you skills needed to survive through trial and
error. Rogue Legacy does this by
allowing you to purchase new weapons, classes, or stat upgrades after each
death that you keep. FTL...doesn't
really do this at all. If you are SUPER
lucky, you can have an event which may unlock a new starship. These events are few and far between, though,
and most players will be damned lucky to ever see one. I've dropped at least 30 hours into FTL and
only unlocked three of it's twelve ships...yeah...
 |
| Get used to seeing this. FTL screws you. A lot. |
FTL just wastes my time,
largely because it is so random and luck based.
Now, lots of roguelikes are random and luck based, but FTL, regardless
of your skill, can and will kill you with random events for no reason. No matter how skilled you are, it will just
end you...and to me, this is bad game design, because it wastes the player's
time and isn't fun. Others may enjoy it,
but I don't. You may as well roll a set
of dice and end the game immediately unless you roll anything but snake
eyes. The game gleefully kills you and
wastes your time, with no real lessons being learned and no progress being
made.
Egregious Backpedaling: Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time(PS3)
I am a HUGE
Sly Cooper fan. Alongside the Jak and
Ratchet and Clank games, it was one of the finest platformers of the PS2 era
and I was super sad that it wasn't making the jump to the PS3. However, when it did, I was psyched. I grabbed this beauty up and played it right
away, and...it wasn't BAD, but...it felt like a huge step back for the series.
 |
| Bentley's expression says it all. WTF, Sly Cooper. |
First, the
plot...it is hugely contrived and turns fun characters we loved into enemies
for the sake of getting our main cast back together. This pissed me off, as we saw a series
favorite turn evil for...really no reason.
It. Made. Me.
Angry. Putting that aside, though,
there was just a general lack of variety in missions, in my opinion. Granted, there were a few interesting ones
based on new outfits Sly Cooper could wear, such as deflecting projectiles with
samurai armor or making huge leaps with a sabertooth tiger rug, but...the
general play felt lackluster. We also
had the return of clue bottles, which were included in the first Sly game,
however with no map, radar, or other way to find them, digging them up in each
hub world became a chore...the first 28 are easy. The last 2 are impossible. It was just a ton of amateur mistakes and
step backs.
Sly 4
rubbed me the wrong way...it's not a bad game, but it was a huge step back for
the franchise...and that makes me sad.
Honorable Mention: Resistance 3(PS3)
Once again,
Resistance 3 isn't REALLY a bad game.
It's got some fun weapons, interesting enemies and gunplay, and while
the story is boring, it was a pretty enjoyable ride. HOWEVER!
Not only did this game have to dump several gigabytes into my PS3 before
I could play it, when I tried to erase it to make room for other stuff, the
data corrupted and now it's stuck. This
game was glitchy and had issues with pacing, but that was the nail in its
coffin for me. It doesn't deserve a
title under my worst list, but I have to bring it up. First Sly is handed off to a new team, now
Insomniac botches it's PS3 shooter...what's happening to game developers these
days?
 |
| You done me wrong, Resistance 3...you done me wrong. |
Best
Okay, the
depressing worst is out of the way, so let's move onto a few games that I
absolutely ADORE! These games made my
year bright, fun, and were true reminders of why I play video games at all.
Delicious blend of genres and themes: Sang-Froid(PC)
Fun
fact. I spent January 2013 in Montreal. November 2013, after Steam's fall sale, I got
this game and gave it a try. Oh. My.
God. Sang-Froid is a wonderful
blend of separate elements that come together in a gloriously silly, wholly
unique experience. Sang-Froid is a story
about two lumberjack brothers in Canada who have to protect their
sister and neighbors from Werewolves, skin changing Inuit, Wendigos, and the
Devil himself. TotalBiscuit calls this
the most Canadian game ever and that's not a bad thing at all. The new twist on a familiar story, the
interesting cultural references and differences, and the strange characters and
names that could only come from our friends to the north, accents and all, make
this a very memorable play. However,
what sold me was the gameplay.
 |
| Yes. You kill ice demons with a magic axe, a musket, and a ballista. This game is made of Canadian win. |
The
gameplay is divided between a strategy section and an action section. In the strategy section, you can set traps,
some automatic, some you need to activate, you can chop lumber for money, you
can buy items or check the movement paths of the waves of wolves, etc. In the action section, you take those traps and
information you gained during the strategy section and try to defend your home. Not only can players rely on their traps, but
they can also fight with axe and musket, making this an interesting blend of action/hacknslash/strategy/rpg/canadian
game. It's great fun. The voice acting and story can be a bit off
or cheesy or stilted, but it kind of lends to the game's charm. It's dark and serious, but also a bit silly,
like an old B movie. And I love it, for
blending a fun story, Canadian culture, and rock solid, super fun gameplay
together.
Valentine's Came Early: Pandora's Tower(Wii)
The last
game of Operation Rainfall came out in 2013 and...it was a bit of a Zelda
clone. But my god, what a fun clone it
was. This game features our hero, Aeron
traversing several dungeons, killing enemies, and getting new items for the
sake of a cursed girl named Elena...yeah, sounds familiar. However, it really is a fun play. The chain you are given at the beginning is
both weapon and tool and it's just as fun to swing around or grab distant items
with as it is to tear chunks of your enemy off with it.
 |
| How can I love a monster? Pretty easy, when she's as wonderful as Elena. |
While the
combat is fun, what really sold me on this was the relationship dynamic. You have Aeron killing monsters and giving
meat to Elena, who is a vegetarian, but has to eat or she will turn into a
monster. It's an interesting, subtle bit
of character study, between these two friends who slowly grow closer, but also
more distant due to Elena's curse. The
game reflects this with a stock relationship meter, but Elena really is an
endearing character who works with Aeron rather than being his reward or his
burden. The game does have a few
glitches and is at times a but frustrating, but for the characters and for how
fun it is living in their world, I have to put it on my best list.
Fantastic, in Spite of Abysmal Publicity: Dragon's Crown(PS3)
Dragon's
Crown has had an unfortunate series of public shamings. The flame war between producer George
Kamitani and Jason Schrier of Kotaku, the examination of character art by Jim
Sterling and TotalBiscuit, the decrying by both reviewers and gamers for how
the art style or depictions of women interferes with the game...it's been a bad
time to be Dragon's Crown. In spite of
all that, it has managed to do very well.
Selling a good amount is one thing, but Dragon's Crown is also a
fantastic game.
 |
| Not your proudest moment, Mr. Kamitani -_-u |
Make no
mistake, some of the complaints made by the above personalities are valid. Hell, I've made similar complaints here. The Sorceresses design is sexist and
frustrating, the Amazon has some unfortunate animation choices, and
oversexualized women of the fantasy genre are front and center. However, it's still a great game. Six characters, each with a different style of
play, in a world that is full of strange beasts, myriad treasures, and awe inspiring
sights. It's a joy to play and I've sunk
at least 80 hours into it, completing all 6 character campaigns and beating the
final secret boss. It's been a fun ride
and in spite of all the negative publicity that Dragon's Crown
has...well...rightfully received, it is still a great game.
 |
| In spite of the controversy, the game is still beautiful and plays like a dream. |
Some people
may not be able to get over the art style, and that's fine, but it is still
something I heartily enjoyed. I wasn't
bothered by the art because I was too busy trying to stay alive fighting
cyclopian monstrosities, wicked demons, and the fearsome fire dragon.
Best Bang For the Buck: Rage of the Gladiator(Wii)
Welp, this was a surprise. I'd heard about Rage of the Gladiator on the
Wii for a while, but only recently got a chance to play it. It's...pretty awesome, if I do say so
myself. The game plays a lot like Punch
Out on the Wii, with various enemies appearing and attacking with specific
patterns that you need to block, dodge, attack against, or what have you. The kicker here is that the enemies are all
monsters, like goblins, beholders, magicians, minotaurs, etc. and it's super
fun getting to fight them all.
 |
| You take on dragons and demons Punch Out style...need I say more? |
There are two modes of play, basic and challenge, and
they both scale up the difficulty very well.
There is a skill tree that requires some sacrifices to get what you
want. There is also one of the best
things to ever exist in a Wii game. The
option not to use the Wiimote. It's a
game that very much uses Wii motion controls, however you can select a classic
controller or just the Wiimote held side ways if you want. These options allow the game to be played by
both the hardcore and the casual alike and really feels like it should have
been a full on retail release rather than a 15 dollar downloadable title.
Rage of the Gladiators is what all Wii downloadable games
should be. It's fun, it's got a lot of
content, it's got a lot of options, and it may just be the best Wii game that
no one has ever played.
Honorable Mention: Dark Souls(PS3/Xbox360/PC) & Ni No Kuni(PS3)
Yep, two
honorable mentions for Best. While I am
getting more and more jaded with the games industry, this has been a pretty
great year. I played Dark Souls the most
last year, but because it frustrated me, I kept it off my best/worst list...and
that was unfair, because I've easily sunk over 200 hours into it. Dark Souls is a fantastic game, mixing moody
old school challenge with brilliant graphics that make even the dark or dreary
beautiful and well honed design placing control almost completely in the
player's hands. I love this
game...almost as much as I hate it.
But...I felt others deserved the mention...especially since I'm now
waiting for Dark Souls 2 to come out.
 |
| Intimidating, frustrating, but oh so satisfying to conquer...Dark Souls in a nutshell. |
And Ni No
Kuni...this would have been my game of the year if not for the crappy control
scheme in combat. It should have been a
regular turn based RPG. That's basically
what it is, only you can only control one character, the others have crummy AI,
and it goes in real time, so the game doesn't give you a lot of room to rest/mess
up/think. Which is frustrating, since Ni
No Kuni is amazing in all other respects.
The villain is amazing...well, except for the White Witch. Shadaar is amazing. Let's say that. Ahem.
Anyway, the graphics are fantastic, with cut scenes by Studio
Ghibli. The dialogue is actually worthy
of mention, since it's tame enough for kids, but not painful for adults. The creature raising mechanic is fun, if in
need of a bit more polish/speeding up, and the quest and crafting systems, as
well as the wizard hand book you get near the start of the game are great for
immersion, world building, and overall fun.
The combat rubbed me the wrong way and that's why it's not on my best
list, but Ni No Kuni is a damn fine game.
I just wish it were better, so I could heap more praise on it.
 |
| So close to perfect! If only the combat had been fixed TT_TT |
WTF?
Some games are
just...weird. Or deserving of more than
just an arbitrary good or bad rating.
They deserve a new perspective.
So, let's look at these WTF titles and see what craziness was heaped
onto use this year. Also, confession
time, these are all great games...I just wanted to talk about them and couldn't
fit them into my other lists. They are
certainly strange though. Trust me.
Game You Love to Hate to Love: Hearthstone
I hate
Hearthstone. I love Hearthstone. I...have an odd relationship with Hearthstone. It's basically a free to play version of the
World of Warcraft card game. It's not
perfect by any means, as it's still in beta and still being balanced, but it is
a ton of fun. However, it's probably the
only game besides Dark Souls that I scream at, at the top of my lungs, and yet
still want to go back to. It's
frustrating, but there are moments of supreme bliss, like when you pull that
one card you need in a match.
 |
| Yu-gi-oh: Warcraft edition. Insanely frustrating. Insanely fun. |
The real
reason Hearthstone makes it on my list though is because it's...the way a free
to play game should be. It basically
gives you a Yu-gi-oh starter deck and tells you to go unlock the others by
playing with the one you have. Then it
tells you to play more and unlock the structure deck cards. Then it tells you to earn gold and buy
booster packs for all the rest of the cards.
If you don't want to earn gold through daily quests, you can buy with
real money...but you don't have to. You
can play the game, make good strategies, meet friends or tough opponents, all
without spending a penny. In fact, the
shop is just a tiny icon near the bigger play ones and the game only tells you
it's there once. It never badgers you
for money and if you are actually about to spend real money, Hearthstone says
"Wait a minute...are you SURE?! You
know you'll be spending real money, right?" It's very honest for a free to play
game. And yet, supremely well
polished. It has a few glitches here and
there but it's a balanced game that works well.
With the promise of more to come, I have to say it's probably my game of
the year for 2013. It made me fall in
love with collectible card games again, but isn't being a huge drain on my
wallet like Yu-gi-oh or Magic the Gathering were. It's a fantastic title and once it goes open
beta, I heartily recommend it to any card gamers in the world. You won't be sorry.
 |
| Come and play a game or two beside the hearth, friend. |
THE WIIMOTE ACTUALLY WORKS: Trauma Team
I've been
an apologist for motion controls in the past.
however, the truth is, they don't really work as well as a regular
controller or mouse and keyboard in terms of input and probably never
will. However, Trauma Team...Trauma Team
makes me question that truth. It's a
fantastic little Wii title that uses only motion controls and uses them
well. Part of the well established
Trauma Center series, it focuses on surgeons who have to save patients from everything
from regular transplants or lacerations to a brand new super virus. However, this one focuses on a team of
doctors at a specific hospital. One is
early response and can only use certain tools due to having to be on the go,
while another performs bone cutting, setting, and makes braces. Another uses an endoscope to look through a
person's body from the viewpoint of a snake while another does triage to
determine the malady a patient has. Each
of these doctors uses tools that the Wii mote substitutes as or in the case of
triage or mortician, acts like a mouse pointer in a point-and-click game. And it works.
It works amazingly well. The
wiimote is very accurate, but more than that, it also feels natural doing all
the things that the doctor's do.
 |
| Even diagnosing an illness feels natural...on the WII! That is amazing. |
The game
isn't perfect, mind. It can get quite
hard in places and the triage and mortician sections are much longer than the
surgeries, since they follow the same rules of point-and-click titles, namely,
"What the hell do I do now?!"
There are also some odd story bits, like the bone surgeon having a side
job as a super hero or the endoscope user having a butler who she regularly
shoots arrows at and who can wield a samurai sword. Hell, the head surgeon is a prisoner
sentenced to serve 120 years in a biological freezer. Yeah, it's a weird title, but the story is
surprisingly heartfelt and compelling and the gameplay is just plain fun. I highly recommend. If more games like Trauma Team came out, we'd
probably be heaping praise on motion controls rather than wishing for their
death.
 |
| From right to left. Biker chick, best friend is a robot, talks to ghosts, 120 year sentence prisoner, samurai endoscope doctor, costumed superhero. So...yeah...the cast is a bit strange. |
Great, Great, Great, Great, Great, Grandson: Rogue Legacy
What does
one even say about Rogue Legacy?
Fantastic roguelike? Check. Enjoyable little Metroidvania-esque game? Check.
Most likely to make you go WTF IS UP WITH THIS CHARACTER?! Ehehe...check. This is a fun, interesting little roguelike
game where you build up stats and unlock new classes by gaining money inside a
castle and then try and kill the four main bosses to unlock the final one. The story is okay, but really, what people
came to this game for were the wacky, insane descendents system. See, each time you die in this game, your
son/daughter takes your place. You get
the choice of three, each with a random job, power, and...handicap? Players have different unique traits about
them, like the ability to only see the world in sepia tone because they are
"nostalgic" or they fart every few seconds because they have irritable
bowl syndrome. Some are actually quite useful,
like the inability to set off spike traps because they are "Light on their
feet" or more amusingly, excitable, meaning that each hit they take claims
to be thousands of points more damage than it really is. This game truly does offer an interesting and
unique look at roguelikes and Castlevania-esque games with this mechanic. It's weird, but oh so fun and silly. What other game can you have an amnesiac,
gay, daughter? Or a short sighted,
dyslexic, old man for a son?
 |
| Even the greatest of Knights can have irritable bowel syndrome |
2013's Shortest Game: Tiny Barbarian DX
First game
I ever kickstarted. Tiny Barbarian DX is
a super fun throwback to the NES era of games.
It's got arcade gameplay and while challenging, doesn't use a lives
system that arbitrarily throws you back or ends your game after a certain number
of deaths. It's wonderful at showing
with actions and expressions rather than dumping exposition and it's all around
a very fun title. It's also less than an
hour long. For a $10 game on steam. Usually, I wouldn't even pay half that much
for such a game. But Tiny Barbarian DX
won me over. Its music, its aesthetic,
its gameplay...it's a strange little title, for being so short, but it's
surprisingly enjoyable. I have to
recommend this to any old school fans of chip tunes, Conan the Barbarian, and
NES gameplay. While short, it's worth
it...though I have to wonder how this game gets a digital for profit release
and Maldita Castilla is free. Then
again, different strokes for different folks.
 |
| Conan would be proud, even if the game is short...or rather...tiny... |
Honorable Mention: Dragon Quest 9: Sentinels of the Starry Night Sky
I played
this game to death all the way back in 2011.
And then I bought it again this year to play it again. Yes, really.
So, now I own 2 copies of DQ9.
Why? Cause there's only one save
slot and with the DQ9 wi-fi store being shut down I didn't want to wipe my old
game or my old items. I'd rather keep
those and all the quests I beat and just buy a new DQ9 to play through for
fun. And I did. And it was fun. But...yeah, looking back...wtf was I
thinking? Either way, still just as fun now
as when I first played it.
 |
| Yes. Yes I am DQ9. So nice, I bought you twice. |
Welp, that rounds out
2013. Thanks again to any and all fans
for sticking with me and I can only hope I will be able to enrage you further
in 2014. I have about 2-4 articles I'm
sitting on for one reason or another and really do want to get out, but my time
is seldom my own, so that's why I've not had much output. This list was just plain fun for me, though,
so that's why it's out before anything else.
Anyway, give the good games a try and the bad games the middle finger. And remember to enjoy 2014. Life is short...so game on.
